why the fuck do i even bother? (yes i am breaking my self imposed 'net ban after a whole 15 min...)

i decide to talk to my wife about the hoarding thing as i thought that she would find it amusing plus well whe is my best friend...

we talked briefly about it then for some reason she said "good, you sell $300 worth of stuff and you can put $200 into the house and keep $100 for your car stuff" am i completely insane or is this just a little fucked? at least 80% of the stuff i'm thinking of selling (and at least 95% total)  i had before we even met. yes we are in a hard spot at the moment with stupid numbers of bills + rates + car repairs + another round of kids dental bills, but it isn't like we can't get by if we change a few of our spending habits, we both work, our mortgage is really small (in the grand scheme of things), we don't have other loans etc. we waste a huge persentage of our total income. i have never worked out how much but it has to be several hours pay pissed up a wall every day. my wife rang me from the bedroom this morning to put the kettle on... WTF? 

she drinks doet coke, all good, she has as long as i have known her, the thing is, i end up tipping more down the sink than she actually drinks as she likes cans and will open one, drink 1/3 - 1/2 then puts it down and forget about it...  these are petty little things and i'm guilty of a few massive wastes of $ myself but i'm not ranting about myself here...

i was intending of selling this stuff so i could buy myself a car without touching the "house" funds, i would really like a car for myself, to drive to and from work and of course play/tinker with. tinkering makes me happy. is it really too much to ask? (btw i let the rego on my daily driven '64 volvo 122 lapse when we moved in together as at the time we couldn't afford 2 rego's and her car used less petrol [plus my volvo needed a serious $ injection] so it has been a long time since i have had my own car.)

btw i should add that yes i do waste a fair amount of cash but in the last 1 1/2 years i have both quit smoking (heavily) and stopped drinking. = a fair amount of cash per week not getting spent on shit. did i ever ask for this as cash in my hand for my own stuff? please note, what i spent on rolling tobacco and booze a week my wife did (and still does) spend on taylormade cigarettes. i was happy for the money saved to stay in the house budget where it could benifit all of the family.... just let me spend any money i get from selling car stuff on car stuff. does it make me a horrible cunt to want this?

sometimes if really feels like she doesn't want me to ever have a vw to drive. i have never asked for bulk $ for my cars as the "house" takes precedent. i won't take . bulk $ from the house budget as it is unfair on everyone else to go without so i can play. (to be honest i've never asked either as i feel certain that the answer would be a resounding NO, so i have never wasted my breath). every time i have tried to flog off stuff to pay for something i want to do/get, to get a step closer to having a daily driver she throws something in my path. generally some fucked up "house tax". "we need this or that" "there are all of these expenses at the moment, etc" our pattern of wasting $ never changes, just a huge chunk of my car $ dissappeares never to be seen again.

it was a moment like this aka "why the fuck do i bother" that actually re inspired me to get right back into vw's. i got so sick of never being able to do anything on my cars that i decided to sell everything off, while cleaning up parts to sell etc i rediscovered the joy of playing with vw's. i should add at the time i was working 6 days a week and was out of the house from 6am to 7pm during the week and till 3/4pm on sat (then we cleaned the house). my one day off i would have liked to play car a bit, but sunday was made designated "family day", where we had to go and do stuff together. a great idea yes, but EVERY sunday without fail and if i even looked at my shed at any time on sunday i'd get told off for trying to avoid my family.

i'm pretty good at this bitching thing hey?

btw when all is said and done i love her to death and wouldn't swap her for the world but god damn she really winds me up sometimes.